My Favorite Homoerotic Bible Story
Oh, calm down, calm down – we’re not implying anything scorching with this illustration! All we did was combine all of the passages that specifically refer to the special “relationship” of David and Jonathan into one account (as found in 1 Samuel and 2 Samuel). The rest of these books are meant to justify the wars and King Saul’s attempts to find and kill poor young David, the humble son of their servant (Jesse) who had become awkwardly “one with the soul” of the king’s son. Oh…
After all the hate messages (yet to be deciphered) we received to “promote the LGBT agenda” with our first book, I would just like to remind readers that we didn’t make it all up – it’s in the Bible. Because the text of the book appears so small in the online image, I’ll share the scriptures summarized below:
King Saul had a son named Jonathan and a servant named Jesse who had a son of his own named David. When Jonathan and David first met, they were linked by soul. Because of their love for each other, they made a covenant. Jonathan took off his robe and gave it to David. He also gave his clothes, even his sword, his bow and his belt to the son of his family servant.
King Saul became jealous of David’s success and the Lord’s blessings and wanted him dead, prompting Jonathan to bring David to him. When Saul tried to kill David, he escaped to live with Samuel and was able to escape further assassination attempts.
David returned to ask Jonathan, “What did I do wrong? Why is your father trying to kill me? Jonathan replied, “This cannot be true! I can not believe ! David explained, “Your father knows very well that you have come to look kindly on me. He will kill me. “I’ll do whatever you want,” said Jonathan. Then Jonathan made David reaffirm his vow of love, for Jonathan loved David as he loved his own soul.
David runs away again. When Saul found out, he was very angry with Jonathan, saying, “Son of a wicked and rebellious woman! Do you think I don’t know you chose the son of our own servant to your own shame, and to the shame of your mother’s nudity? Bring me David, he’s dead!
When Jonathan asked his father, “Why do you want to kill David? What did he do wrong? The king threw his spear across the room and attempted to kill his own son. Knowing now that his father was desperate to kill David, Jonathan got angry and left the table. He was so upset and angry with his father that he refused to eat any food. His father had humiliated him and wanted to kill David.
David came out of his hiding place and bowed three times to Jonathan. They hugged and cried with each other, until David passed. It was a very sad goodbye, especially for David. Jonathan said, “Go in peace. We made a vow in the name of the Lord who will bind us forever. You and me, your seed and my seed, together! David Pink and again escaped Jonathan’s father.
When David later heard of Jonathan’s death, he tore his clothes and cried – singing, “I cry for you, my brother Jonathan! Oh, how much I loved you! How wonderful your love for me was, far beyond the love of any woman!”1 Samuel 18 – 2 Samuel 1
Oh… Of course, if this was an Ang Lee movie, it could be the making of an epic love story of doomed lovers, but – we’re not saying there was something questionable thing about the Biblical Bro-mance of David and Jonathan! Boys will be boys, right? So what happened to David? The Lord continued to bless David and his new throne to King, preparing his ancestral line for the coming Messiah (later known as Jesus Christ).
To take with: It sure doesn’t seem like God has a problem with David’s “love” for Jonathan, does he?
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For those interested, the specific reference to kissing until David “passes” is taken directly from the King James Version – 1 Samuel 20:41
Like always, don’t blame me – it’s in the bible!
Embarrassing moments (not found in your average) Children’s Bible – Vol # 2.